News and resources for dads and those who love them
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Three weeks before her 21st birthday, Billie Eilish said she’s happier than ever as she confirms Jesse Rutherford is her new boyfriend.
Florida Veterans share personal stories overcoming homelessness in “listening visit” with U.S. Congressman.
Fort Lauderdale, FL — He was awarded a Purple Heart and Silver Star for his heroic service in Vietnam. Years later, Richard Tilghman, armed with a .44 magnum and protected only by a single blanket, was struggling to sleep on a bench behind a deserted building.
Tilghman had become one of an estimated 37,000 veterans who experience homelessness in America each year. Those veterans are more than twice as likely to commit suicide, a statistic that inspires advocates nationwide to prioritize rapid, compassionate care to America’s former servicemen and women who spiral into homelessness.
The decorated Marine Corps veteran is just one of many personal stories shared with Congressman Charlie Crist during a visit to the Operation Sacred Trust Veterans Service Center in Fort Lauderdale this month. The U.S. Representative spent nearly two hours listening to the stories of Florida veterans who had overcome homelessness.
“Ending homelessness for veterans in our community, in any community, requires trauma informed care at every point of contact, and team members who can listen empathically to understand each veteran’s unique circumstances, goals, and aspirations,” said Operation Sacred Trust (OST) co-founder and CEO Seth Eisenberg. “The first step to building that understanding is to listen, just as our former Governor did for nearly two hours this afternoon,” Eisenberg said.
During his visit with formerly homeless veterans at the Operation Sacred Trust Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) service center in downtown Fort Lauderdale, the Congressman didn’t mention a single word about his track record, campaign, or the divisive politics of Washington. His visit focused singularly on hearing directly from Florida veterans about the direct impact of legislation long supported by Florida’s bi-partisan Congressional Delegation.
Army Veteran James LoBello shared what he called “systematic breakdowns” that led to him being evicted from a veteran housing program at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic. He said he came close to dying and thanked VA’s local SSVF team for going to “incredible efforts” to keep him safe during the pandemic and eventually help him move into a new Carrfour Supportive Housing community in Wilton Manors. LoBello urged the congressman to insist professionals serving veterans are trauma informed and that rapid processes exist to call the highest level of attention to breakdowns that leave veterans’ lives at increased risk.
Stories such as those shared with Congressman Crist help policy-makers see the impact of legislation firsthand and develop greater empathy for their most vulnerable constituencies, said Juan Flores, a Marine Corps Veteran who directs Operation Sacred Trust’s veteran led Engagement team.
“This place is very, very important,” said an emotional Willie Askew, a Navy Veteran who lost his family, his house, and everything else after experiencing financial hardship. The former Sailor spoke of his ten year journey with Operation Sacred Trust learning to maintain independence and sustainability. “What they do, [Operation] Sacred Trust, they helped me get on my feet, and they showed me how to be sustainable,” the Navy Veteran told Congressman Crist.
An unexpected heart attack and stroke led Army Veteran Kevin Jones to lose his house, business, savings, and entire way of living. “Within 14 calendar days,” he said,” I went from sleeping on the streets to being in a two bed one bath house” as a result of assistance from the VA-funded SSVF program.
Several veteran employees at Operation Sacred Trust have personal experience with homelessness, including Maribel Zurita, a Navy Veteran who now serves as a Care Manager for other homeless and at-risk veterans. Zurita shared her experience as a widow separated from her one-year old daughter when she felt she might never escape the grasp of homelessness. “If it wasn’t for OST, not only would I still be in those unlivable conditions, I wouldn’t have been able to move back in with my daughter,” she said.
In calendar year 2021, OST assisted 1,160 veteran families in Miami-Dade and Broward counties and distributed $2.26 million in Temporary Financial Assistance to help prevent and end Veteran homelessness. While many organizations and shelters suspended services during the COVID-19 pandemic, OST remained committed to providing 24/7 care to Veterans in need, a resource that surprised several veterans at the time.
“There is no way these people are going to be able to help,” thought Joshua Bass, an Army Veteran experiencing homelessness during the pandemic, “[But they helped by] really getting me in, and really taking care of me and everything…they did everything from ordering food through providing rides and making sure I was getting to and from jobs and appointments so I was able to change my life.”
“Everybody has to have goals,” Tilghman told Congressman Crist, “You got to give them ambition, you got to give them hope, you got to give them a cause. Because that’s what this country is built on.”
One important aspect of giving hope to veterans is helping process benefits claims that many had given up on. This year, the agency took a new approach to pursuing VA benefits by collaborating with a local chapter of Disabled American Veterans (DAV).
Former VA Undersecretary Paul R. Lawrence, Ph.D., who joined the agency’s Board of Trustees this month, visited Operation Sacred Trust’s Fort Lauderdale Veteran Service Center to see the impact firsthand.
Retired Army Veteran Kevin Williams leads the agency’s benefits program, which includes a team of trained Veteran Service Officers who work in collaboration with the local DAV chapter. Williams said the collaboration has enabled the SSVF program to help Veterans process successful benefit applications in weeks instead of years.
The agency’s partnership with DAV recently resulted in more than $160,000 in new benefit awards for homeless Veterans served by the agency, Williams reported. “Veterans are getting rapid results and that’s changing lives,” he said.
Who were America’s homeless and at-risk Veterans in 2021? In South Florida, they were overwhelmingly single men with one or more disabilities who had served in the Army.
In 2021, Operation Sacred Trust served 1,160 Veteran families experiencing homelessness or facing imminent homelessness in Broward and Miami-Dade counties. Operation Sacred Trust is a division of Purpose Built Families Foundation and South Florida’s largest VA-funded Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program.
According to preliminary data for the year, Veterans receiving assistance from Operation Sacred Trust in 2021 were:
Gender
Marital Status
Disabilities
Branch of service
Race/Ethnicity
Service Era
Annual Household Income
In 2021, Operation Sacred Trust distributed $2.26 million in Temporary Financial Assistance to help end and prevent homelessness for South Florida very low income Veterans. Funds went to:
Local nonprofit sets goal to replicate Miami-Dade’s 2018 end to chronic veteran homelessness in nearby Broward. Broward County will host Dr. Paul F. Lawrence, former Undersecretary of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, Wednesday, November 17, 2021 to celebrate the opening of the Operation Sacred […]
Local nonprofit sets goal to replicate Miami-Dade’s 2018 end to chronic veteran homelessness in nearby Broward.
Broward County will host Dr. Paul F. Lawrence, former Undersecretary of the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, Wednesday, November 17, 2021 to celebrate the opening of the Operation Sacred Trust Veteran Service Center in the heart of downtown Fort Lauderdale. During the Trump Administration, Dr. Lawrence was one of VA’s highest-ranking officials, confirmed by Congress to oversee distribution of more than $125 billion in benefits to America’s veterans and lead the massive Veterans Benefits Administration, including compensation, pension and fiduciary, insurance, education, loan guaranty, vocational rehabilitation and employment.
Operation Sacred Trust, a division of the nonprofit Purpose Built Families Foundation, was established in 2011 as a VA-funded Supportive Services for Veteran Families (“SSVF”) program to end veteran homelessness in Broward and Miami-Dade counties. In 2018, the program helped Miami-Dade reach ambitious HUD benchmarks to declare an end to chronic veteran homelessness.
The agency’s new Veteran Service Center in downtown Fort Lauderdale is part of a coordinated effort to achieve similar results in Broward County. Last year, Operation Sacred Trust served nearly 1,300 homeless and at-risk veterans in Broward and Miami-Dade, providing more than $3.2 million in financial assistance for area military families. Operation Sacred Trust uniquely brings together housing, case management, legal services, and benefits specialists to help very-low income veteran families achieve housing stability.
The 2020 Point-in-Time Count reported more than 150 homeless veterans in Fort Lauderdale on a given night. That number has decreased by 60 percent since Operation Sacred Trust opened its doors to local homeless and at-risk veterans in 2011.
Seth Eisenberg, Purpose Built Families’ CEO and founder of Operation Sacred Trust, said the goal is ensuring every veteran in Broward County is able to rapidly receive emergency care that leads to permanent housing and that services are in place to help formerly homeless veterans remain successfully housed.
Dr. Lawrence said more is needed to strengthen coordinated care for America’s 19 million veterans. His visit to Fort Lauderdale will highlight Operation Sacred Trust’s unique model of compassionate, client-centered care and collaboration with VA that he says is working.
Operation Sacred Trust’s Broward County Veteran Service Center is located at 201 SE 2nd Street, Fort Lauderdale, FL 33301.
Homeless and at-risk veterans in Broward and Miami-Dade counties can reach Operation Sacred Trust at (855) SSVF-411 (855-778-3411), by email to intake@411veterans.com, or online at http://www.411veterans.com.
Learn more at www.operationsacredtrust.com or www.purposebuiltfamilies.com.
For homeless veterans, VA one-stop shops are rapidly getting them the help they’ve earned and deserve. VA professionals say the approach is saving lives.
Homeless veterans are able to rapidly get the help they’ve earned and deserve at one-stop shops staffed by VA Health Care for Homeless Veterans professionals and community partners. For thousands, it’s a model of care that is changing and saving lives.
VA Health Care for Homeless Veterans Supervisor Marsha Latham leads the collaboration in Miami with the community’s Operation Sacred Trust Supportive Services for Veteran Families program.
Latham said the partnership is effective because it is veteran centered and helps VA professionals get immediate assistance to at-risk veterans that wouldn’t otherwise be possible.
This year, CARES funding allowed Operation Sacred Trust to deliver more than $3 million in temporary financial assistance to help nearly 1,300 very-low income Miami and Broward County veteran families stay in their homes, get housing, or provide temporary housing as veterans wait for permanent housing to be available.
It’s the program’s tenth year serving South Florida’s very-low income veterans since being awarded a VA Supportive Services for Veteran Families grant in 2011. In 2018, the program achieved CARF multi-year accreditation for meeting the highest standards in homelessness prevention and rapid rehousing.
The collaboration works, said Seth Eisenberg, OST’s founder, President and CEO, because of the strong partnership with Miami VA professionals such as Latham and her dedicated team that’s worked on site with the program throughout the COVID-19 pandemic.
Recently, Latham and two of her social workers sat down to talk about the partnership, how it is eliminating barriers to care, and the impact on veterans who are at the highest risk for suicide. Latham says the model is making a difference for veterans contemplating suicide and is an approach other VA professionals should embrace.
Inspired by 9/11, a Florida teen became a Marine, fought in the war on terror, and came home to lead the fight to end veteran homelessness.
How was your life inspired by 9/11? Where were you when hijacked airplanes brought down the World Trade Center, hit the Pentagon, and crashed in a Pennsylvania field?
If you were alive 20 years ago and old enough to have developed your memory, you know exactly where you were, who you were with, what you were doing, and what you felt on that horrifying Tuesday.
We knew immediately that thousands of innocents had been murdered. We learned shortly after about the more than 400 first responders who perished running towards the fire that day.
That day led to sacrifices by hundreds of thousands of America’s most courageous sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters who fought in America’s 20-year war on terror. As American losses grew to the thousands — many, especially those most sensitive to matters of living and dying, may have felt they had no choice but to look away.
How many tears can one person shed?
The cost can be measured in thousands of lives lost, tens of thousands wounded, and many more forever scared by the trauma of war.
We each have our own unique reaction and responses to tragedy, sadness, loss and grief. For many, that turns to endless debates, arguments, and armchair quarterbacks; others become frozen into a nearly endless state of inaction. Very few find the strength, courage and resilience to become in action. Their commitment to serve inspired by 9/11 made them our heroes. They are warriors, first responders, and those who provide constant care to our fellow Americans who served through crisis, trauma and tragedy.
They are the few who protect and defend the many. We owe them a debt we can never fully repay.
Juan Flores is one of those few.
On 9/11, Flores was inspired to serve. He enlisted in the Marine Corps immediately upon finishing high school, volunteered for multiple combat deployments to the Middle East, and returned home to earn his degree and credentials as a Chiropractic physician. Dr. Flores gave up that lucrative career to instead direct a team of frontline responders waging war against veteran homelessness as Engagement Director for the Operation Sacred Trust Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program in the Greater Miami-Fort Lauderdale Metropolitan Area.
Dr. Flores continues his service today by making sure that those who may have once served alongside him don’t remain exposed to the risks our world poses to those in crisis. Dr. Flores shares more in this intimate conversation that offers a unique glimpse into the thoughts and feelings of a generation inspired by 9/11:
For homeless veterans, a run-in with a local cop may be their best hope for a better future if they follow Officer Shawn Keechle’s example.
A run-in with a local cop may be a homeless veteran’s best hope for a better future if police follow the example of one Broward County, Florida officer. Cops are helping homeless veterans get benefits, housing and off the streets. For veterans who are homeless and among the nearly 50 percent who aren’t currently enrolled in VA services, that can be the beginning of a better life.
Alex Sangster was found living under a bridge barely hanging on to life. Wilburt Thompson had been released onto the streets after a 15-year prison sentence with nowhere to go and no support for reentering society. James LoBello was running out of money and facing eviction. In addition to being recently homeless, these men have something else in common: they are all veterans who crossed paths with cops helping veterans. In their case, Police Officer Shawn Keechle.
In 2011, the U.S. Department of Veteran Affairs (VA) launched an investment known as SSVF — Supportive Services for Veteran Families — which helped reduce veteran homelessness by 50% across the country. The SSVF network includes over 300 partnerships and programs nationwide, all of which help our most vulnerable veterans get the help, services and benefits they’ve earned. In Florida alone, VA invested nearly $28 million last year in public-private partnerships to ensure that veterans such as Alex, Wilburt and James have every opportunity to safe and stable housing.
Unfortunately, despite the dramatic reductions of homeless veterans during the last 10 years, Florida has continued to rank as the highest rate of homeless veterans in the country second only to California. During the COVID-19 pandemic thousands of Florida veterans have experienced homelessness. The stories of Alex, Wilburt and James, three homeless veterans facing COVID-19, demonstrate the importance of relationships between SSVF programs such as Operation Sacred Trust (OST) and local leaders like City of Lauderhill Police Officer Keechle.
Officer Keechle is his Police Department’s Homeless Resource Officer and a leader in efforts to end homelessness in Broward County, one of the state’s largest urban areas. He is also a Marine Corps Veteran.
After finding Alex in medical distress under the bridge and helping him receive the immediate medical attention needed, Officer Keechle contacted Operation Sacred Trust for support. Together, they helped Alex get into emergency housing, receive further medical assistance, ensure he had food every day, and pursue the Social Security and VA benefits that would help him live independently. Today, Alex lives in his own apartment.
Officer Keechle met Wilburt at a local feeding center and learned that he was not aware of VA benefits that he had earned through his service in Vietnam. With the help of Operation Sacred Trust, Wilburt was immediately placed in emergency housing with daily meals. A team of OST care managers worked with Wilburt to get benefits he needed to live independently. Although Wilburt was able to sign a lease, move into his own apartment, and reconnect with family he hadn’t seen in more than 15 years, tragically he died of cancer at the end of June.
As the pandemic bore down on South Florida, James was at the end of almost two years of physical rehabilitation and just beginning to walk again. His credit cards were maxed out, he didn’t know how he’d pay for food, and he got hit with an eviction notice with no means to fight it. Officer Keechle’s call to Operation Sacred Trust got James immediately placed in emergency housing, legal assistance, and, ultimately, a new place to live.
Last year, Operation Sacred Trust served more than 1,800 local veterans and family members in Broward and Miami-Dade counties: a record for the agency that typically serves half that number each year since opening its doors in 2011.
Officer Keechle says his partnership with Operation Sacred Trust is “priceless.” Without it, there are many veterans he wouldn’t have been able to help.
Like Keechle, Dr. Juan Flores is also a Marine Corps veteran. Flores is Operation Sacred Trust’s Engagement Director. His team of mostly former servicemen and women is responsible for making sure every veteran’s call for help is answered 24 hours a day, seven days a week, no matter the circumstances.
These types of public-private partnerships funded by the VA but implemented by local advocates are demonstrating they have what it takes to ensure collaborative care that leaves veterans better able to get their benefits and live independently.
“Every veteran we serve is our neighbor,” Dr. Flores says. “We do everything we can to make sure each of our neighbors who served gets the same chance at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness they fought to give the rest of us.”
Eleven months after completing a 15-year prison term and finding himself homeless once more, a US Army Vietnam Veteran saw some of his biggest dreams come true before he died. On Independence Day, we honor his service and sacrifices with a commitment to many others who were once forgotten and neglected.
On Independence Day, America celebrates our freedom and honors those who have served and sacrificed to protect it. For this year’s Independence Day, Purpose Built Families Foundation’s Operation Sacred Trust SSVF team particularly honors the life of Wilburt Posey Thompson. The US Army veteran who served in Vietnam died in Fort Lauderdale last week. Mr. Thompson represents a generation of servicemen too often forgotten and long neglected: America’s Black Soldiers who served in Vietnam and later became incarcerated.
An adopted son of Goodwater, Alabama, a minuscule southern whistle stop of 1,500 people notorious for wreaking post-Civil War savagery on Black residents and even those passing through, Wilburt Posey Thompson courageously enlisted in the military at 19, spending nearly a year in Vietnam during some of the most horrific violence of the war.
By many accounts, the man who returned from Southeast Asia was a mere shadow of the teenage boy who’d left. Anger, addictions and the battle with both hijacked Thompson’s life. His era of returning servicemen and women earned no recognition for the trauma-fueled carnage that raged within many, nor had they come back to the embrace of a grateful nation.
Family, friends, poverty, homelessness and, ultimately, freedom was the currency in which he paid.
On August 6, 2020, Thompson stepped out of a Florida prison for a bus that would drop him near the Salvation Army in the downtown Fort Lauderdale vicinage he still remembered. On a Thursday afternoon, Thompson, then 72, was back in the neighborhood where he’d lost his liberty while a 100-year pandemic raged. Broke, broken, but never defeated, the Army veteran sheltered in the district where he’d last been free of shackles, guards and steel bars. Six days later, a local police officer, Shawn Keechle, came upon Thompson, recognized him as a veteran, and called Operation Sacred Trust, a U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program established in 2011 to end veteran homelessness.
A trifecta of busts for marijuana, cocaine, and felony intent to do harm without a firearm had gotten Thompson permanently tagged in Broward County as a career criminal, a dangerous threat to society, and subject to minimum sentencing of 15 years without parole. Declared indigent by the courts, Thompson was never able to afford more than a public defender. In his early years behind bars, he’d pleaded with the Court to reconsider his conviction and lengthy sentence. He’d begged for a different justice that was repeatedly denied until coming upon Officer Keechle that day.
The American Army veteran spent 5,475 nights in prison – 15 years and a day – before returning to a neighborhood he once called home.
Free at last, as a result of the VA-sponsored services to which Officer Keechle directed Thompson, the veteran would discover strangers that became his closest friends, dance the Chicago two step with a dazzling young woman, receive $10,000 he didn’t know was his, sign a lease on a dream apartment, reconnect with the beloved daughter he’d yearned to see once more, and leave a legacy of faith, humility, service, and honor to the family from whom he was long separated.
Thompson’s eleven months of freedom are more than the story of his personal journey. It’s also the story of a changing America — communities that embrace those who served as never before, and of an invincible spirit mightier than death itself.
Wilburt Thompson will be laid to rest at 9:30am on Friday, July 23rd at the South Florida National Cemetery, 6501 FL-7, Lake Worth, FL 33449.
This Independence Day, I hope you’ll join Operation Sacred Trust in honoring this brave, heroic veteran through the memories of those who served him these past 11 months and became his closest friends.
Wilburt Thompson was laid to rest in the presence of family and loving caregivers on Friday, July 23, 2021 at the South Florida National Cemetery. On behalf of a grateful nation, President Biden and the Army recognized Mr. Thompson for his service and sacrifices. Operation Sacred Trust Housing Specialist Janely Ramos performed, “I Surrender All”.
Marriage and family problems are leading many veterans to homelessness. VA and its partners are helping veterans strengthen relationships.
Marriage and family life are among the strongest predictors of veteran homelessness. A study examining the medical records of 306,351 veterans (Tsai et al., 2017) found that unmarried veterans were more than twice as likely to experience homelessness, shedding light on the impact sustaining a healthy marriage and family life has on housing stability.
Army veteran Irvin Short said he’d had “the American dream” until a cancer diagnosis led to him losing his health, his job, and then his marriage. As a veteran, Short qualified for assistance from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program. Less than two hours after reaching out for emergency help, the homeless veteran had been placed in temporary, emergency housing by the Operation Sacred Trust SSVF program in Florida. The agency worked with Short to obtain permanent housing, where he lives today.
Short is one of tens of thousands of military veterans who were homeless during the pandemic and one of 1,800 served by the SSVF program in Miami last year. Over the past decade, Congress has allocated billions of dollars for VA to invest in public-private partnerships such as Operation Sacred Trust to ensure rapid help is available to veterans throughout the country. While homelessness among the general population has continued to increase, veteran homelessness has been significantly reduced in most American communities.
Ending veteran homelessness has VA and leading veteran service organizations increasingly focused on interrupting homelessness. Seth Eisenberg, CEO of Purpose Built Families Foundation, said preventing marriage and family breakdown for many is a fraction of the cost of helping veterans overcome homelessness later. Eisenberg points to the PAIRS Warrior to Soul Mate program as one example of how VA and their service partners are responding. In 2019, VA purchased the curriculum with the goal of integrating relationship skills training into services delivered by VA chaplains and behavioral health specialists nationwide.
Those efforts are being driven by local experiences combined with a range of research studies that have brought light to the correlation between marriage and family life and homelessness.
A 2017 comparison of the veteran and non-veteran homeless population in Nebraska (Ramaswamy et al., 2017) showed that homeless veterans were more likely to have been married when compared to their non-veteran counterparts. In a study to explore the effects of partner violence on housing instability (Montgomery et al., 2018) found that marriage protects female veterans from becoming homeless. A significant result was obtained, indicating that marriage was less likely to indicate housing instability among female veterans, as well as the ability to obtain disability compensation (Montgomery et al., 2018). A similar study (Spinola et al., 2020) found that experiencing low social support and adverse childhood events was a significant marker for a lifetime of homelessness among male and female veterans. It is logical to consider the “what if’s” of relationship breakdowns and the critical role a healthy marriage plays in sustaining basic human needs, such as shelter.
While examining the many paths that lead veterans to homelessness, Metraux et al. (2017) discovered that homelessness was caused predominantly by nonmilitary and other situational factors such as terminating a relationship, despite the eminent ties between combat aftermath and clinical diagnosis that are commonly known to lead to homelessness.
Hamilton et al. (2021) utilized the admission data from 2010 to 2019 of a psychiatric hospital. The study demonstrated that single marital status was one of the strongest predictors of homelessness. The only higher predictor was not having any income.
Data gathered throughout the years shows significant findings on the role resilient relationships play in disrupting homelessness. As Eisenberg said, improving relationships may be a way to prevent veteran homelessness altogether. Miami’s Operation Sacred Trust program offers relationship resiliency training as part of their services to formerly homeless veterans to help veterans maintain housing after receiving assistance.
Exploring data from Operation Sacred Trust revealed significant information that demonstrate similar findings to those cited above: a correlation between relationship status and increased risk of homelessness among veterans. A total of 1,922 homeless veterans served by Operation Sacred Trust were assessed. Only 134 (7%) of that group were married at intake in contrast to an alarming 1,730 (91%) of homeless veterans that were single or not in a romantic relationship. In this real world example, the findings indicate relationship status has a significant impact on veteran homelessness.
The Department of Veterans Affairs recently launched a campaign, “Make the Connection,” that shares personal stories of hardships faced by veterans. The campaign seeks to increase awareness and establish connections among fellow veterans who may be experiencing similar challenges.
Marisol Wetzstein, a licensed marriage and family counselor and Operation Sacred Trust’s Director of Care, said relationship skills training can make a difference to preventing veteran homelessness.
Wetzstein points to a study that found most divorces could be prevented through brief evidence-based skills training that combines strengthening communication, problem-solving, and emotional understanding.
Sukie Hernandez, a current Ph.D. candidate, began her higher education academic journey by obtaining her undergraduate degree in Psychology, quickly followed by a Masters degree in Biomedical Sciences, and is now in her final year of completing a Doctorate degree in General Psychology. Ms. Hernandez has vast knowledge of a wide variety of social services topics, with a specific interest in veteran homelessness. She has held the position of adjunct faculty member at one of South Florida’s largest public universities. In her free time, she enjoys volunteering at local community outreach centers, spending quality time with her husband who is a decorated U.S. Army Combat Veteran, and their four-legged companion, Harley.
Their 72-year marriage weathered many storms before the pandemic. After long separation, John and Kay Doyle are happy to be together again.
After 72 years of marriage, John Doyle, 94, is still smitten.
“It’s magic, it really is,” Doyle said.
The pandemic separated John and his wife, Kay, for much of the past year. CBS Boston’s Juli McDonald was on the scene when the happily married couple reunited.
“I don’t have a roommate. You can have that bed,” Kay said. John promised to “check with the authorities.”
Their marriage has weathered storms that would have broken many others apart. Despite losses, challenges and tragedies, the couple grew only closer.
What’s the secret to a happy, lasting marriage?
“Just love each other,” Kay said.
“I think he’s very kind and consideration,” she added. “And handsome too.”
The Doyle’s have a remarkable marriage. About half of married couples in the United States divorce. Couples who marry again divorce with even greater frequency.
Many are concerned that with the end of the pandemic, America will see a sharp rise in divorce filings. The Doyle’s marriage is an example of what’s possible when couples are able to grow closer through life’s challenges and crises.
Psychologist Bella DePaulo writes that divorce is contagious. Reflecting on a study about social network effects on divorce, Dr. DePaulo wrote, “If someone you name as a friend gets divorced, then when the researchers see you again about four years later, you are 147% more likely to have gotten divorced yourself than if you didn’t have a friend who got divorced.”
What happens with family members matters too, Dr. DePaulo wrote. “If you have a sibling who got divorced, you are 22% more likely to get divorced yourself within the next four years.”
Marriages are also effected by what happens at work. “If you work at a small firm and one of your co-workers gets divorced, you are 55% more likely to get divorced yourself within the next four years,” Dr. DePaulo wrote.
The Relationship Pleasure Scale is an objective six-item self-report measure of general relationship satisfaction. A study by the University of Central Florida’s Marriage & Family Research Institute validated the questionnaire as a reliable, valid measure of relationship satisfaction and pleasure.
The assessment considers key areas of relationship satisfaction that are the foundation of marriages like the Doyle’s, including intellectuality, emotionality, sensuality, sexuality, friendship and trust, and what’s been built together.
You can find out how your relationship scores by taking the free, confidential assessment online.
Marriages like Kay and John Doyle’s are helping couples recognize that facing and overcoming relationship challenges can lead to greater happiness. Some, including many military and veteran families, are turning to relationship skills training such as VA’s Warrior to Soul Mate program to improve their chances for success.
Marisol Wetzstein is a licensed marriage and family counselor, trauma expert, and National PAIRS Trainer. For the past six months of the pandemic, Wetzstein has been leading 14-hour PAIRS relationship skills trainings online to help couples and singles learn skills to improve communication, conflict resolution, and emotional understanding.
Wetzstein said the training helps couples find their own answers. Some participants have said it’s like “learning to be your own therapist.”
Research indicates Wetzstein’s skills training approach makes a difference. In a study funded by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the far majority of distressed couples who began intensive PAIRS (“Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills”) classes at the point of separation or divorce were happily married a year later.
John and Kay Doyle are together again. Their story may inspire other couples to overcome the natural challenges and transitions that face every close relationship to one day celebrate their own love stories.
The number of people impacted by trauma has grown exponentially. Essence of care training turns close relationships into help and healing.
Most people spend years of their lives learning and training for every aspect of life except the one that is the very foundation: how to nurture and sustain close relationships. That learning comes primarily from the families in which we are raised, our life experiences, and trial/error along with its consequences. Ultimately, that learning shapes how we feel about ourselves, engage and interact with others, and our potential to successfully pursue life’s most meaningful aspirations.
At its core, PAIRS (“Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills”) training, whether delivered as PAIRS Essentials, Warrior to Soul Mate, the SHALOM Workshop, or any of our other popular curriculum titles is about that essence of care; the quality and resilience of close relationships that impact the self-care we receive, and the care we in turn offer loved ones, clients, teammates, and significant others. That’s why we’re referring to our upcoming training for military/veterans and those who provide their critical care as PAIRS Essence of Care Training.
Who doesn’t know caregivers and colleagues – lay people and professionals – whose care to others is diminished because of their own sadness, anger, fear and suffering? Those bottled up feelings can turn homes, classrooms and offices into emotional battlegrounds as they leak through sarcasm, ridicule, taunting, bullying, guardedness, isolation, and other behaviors that push people away from each other.
The first victim is typically our potential to pursue big dreams. At home, that may be our families as separation, divorce and fragmentation becomes more likely. At work, that victim is often the mission and vision we were hired to advance. In communities, the result is increased costs for crime prevention, policing, incarceration, emergency room visits, poverty, homelessness, addictions, suicide, and other related – and expensive – tragedies.
Rarely are those home, school, office or neighborhood battlegrounds because of malice or bad intentions. It’s because we’re all human with biologically-based needs. Meeting our human need for connection – what PAIRS refers to as “bonding” – can determine how we feel about ourselves, towards loved ones, and how we treat others whose lives intersect with our own.
In some professions, such as the training soldiers receive to survive life’s very real battlefields, people learn skills that are almost the exact opposite as those needed to build emotional connection with others. That training makes perfect sense for that environment and mission, but what happens when those survival skills are brought to other environments where the mission is not to defend ourselves from enemies, but to create and sustain closeness, connection, intimacy, and feelings of love in relationships with family, friends, and community?
In our frontline work with homeless veterans, more than 90 percent of those who apply for emergency housing assistance from our Operation Sacred Trust Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program are single. That’s not because those former soldiers and their peers from every branch of service weren’t previously in close, intimate relationships. Most often, it’s because neither the veteran nor their loved ones had the skills to sustain those relationships through the unique challenges of trauma. After a year of the COVID-19 pandemic, the number of people and once close relationships impacted by trauma has grown exponentially.
One response to a world in which millions are in emotional pain is people working day and night on technology solutions that replace human care with artificial intelligence powered by impersonal coding, cells and circuits. We see stories and messages daily about breakthrough applications and programming that developers hope will provide relief to millions of people who are sad, lonely, angry, or depressed.
What human can match the ability of a computer to gather information, remember unlimited data, be informed by the latest research and science, and bring all of that together in a nanosecond to help people feel better?
We also see the booming pharmaceutical industry with its chemical approach to helping people feel better. With all the potential benefits, for many there are also lasting consequences.
What technology and pharmaceuticals cannot deliver is the impact of meaningful human connection.
PAIRS relationship skills training is a formula to caring for ourselves and others with empathy and compassion, particularly through life’s most stressful challenges, passages and transitions, that delivers a deliberately humanistic approach.
It’s a formula for discovering what’s possible that’s in our hands to influence.
PAIRS relationship skills empower people to make the most of what is in our hands by addressing the triad of interpersonal relationship competency skills: communication, problem-solving, and emotional connection.
Graduates have increased opportunities to create mutually-satisfying close relationships that become the foundation of happy, healthy lives despite everything that is not in our hands. Those close relationships impact how people respond to challenges to their mental health, including stress, distress, anxiety, and trauma, physical health including how our body’s immune system functions and how we respond to treatment, and nearly every other aspect of life.
As a caregiver or service provider, learning PAIRS relationship skills will contribute to your life and the lives of those you serve.
For those who teach PAIRS relationship skills to others, particularly the most vulnerable people impacted by trauma in our communities, such as military/veteran families, the homeless, neighbors affected by crime or the criminal justice system, new immigrants, people recovering from debilitating illnesses, and many others, the rewards will last a lifetime.
Two years ago, Purpose Built Families Foundation accepted responsibility for advancing PAIRS Foundation’s longstanding vision for “a safer, saner, more loving world.” As we approach what we pray is the beginning of the end of a pandemic that has impacted our entire planet, our leadership is more committed than ever to making these benefits available to anyone who can participate with an openness to learning and good will towards others.
Seth Eisenberg is President/CEO of Purpose Built Families Foundation, a nationally-accredited nonprofit based in Miami, Florida, and co-founder of the Operation Sacred Trust Supportive Services for Veteran Families collaboration for ending veteran homelessness.
The trauma of homelessness is increasing as more Americans are losing their homes. A program that follows the science is sharing what works.
More Americans are facing the trauma of homelessness. This month, Housing and Urban Development Secretary Marcia Fudge released the agency’s annual Point-in-Time count to Congress, reporting key findings related to homelessness in communities throughout the country. The Point-in-Time Count provides a snapshot of the number of people experiencing homelessness, both sheltered and unsheltered, in America on a single night. The one-night counts are conducted during the last 10 days of January each year. The count showed that 580,466 people were homeless in the United States on a single night in January 2020, an increase of 12,751 people, or 2.2 percent, from 2019. The count included 37,252 homeless veterans, 15,204 of those veterans, such as Alex Sangster in Miami, were living without shelter.
The HUD Secretary called the findings “startling.”
“What makes these findings even more devastating is that they are based on data from before COVID-19, and we know the pandemic only made the homelessness crisis worse,” Secretary Fudge said.
More than half of people experiencing the trauma of homelessness came from four states hardest hit by the pandemic: California (161,548), New York (91,271), Florida (27,487), and Texas (27,229).
Despite being one of the four largest states where Americans are homeless, Florida’s rate of homelessness was less than the national average. Florida’s pre-pandemic 2020 numbers also indicate the largest decrease in homelessness since 2007. Many point to significant federal dollars that have come to Florida in the past decade to help the state overcome housing challenges, tax credits that have helped create hundreds of new affordable, supportive housing apartments in Miami-Dade County, and the many diverse private-public partnerships established through those federal programs.
One of those partnerships is Purpose Built Families Foundation’s Operation Sacred Trust collaboration. Operation Sacred Trust, known as OST, was established in 2011 for the purpose of ending veteran homelessness in South Florida’s largest communities: Broward and Miami-Dade counties. Significantly funded by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program, the nonprofit has been nationally-accredited since 2018. For the past decade, the agency has implemented a unique, data-driven approach that is constantly seeking to “follow the science” of veteran homelessness. Similar VA-funded SSVF programs are located throughout the United States.
It’s an approach that’s working. Since 2011, the number of homeless veterans in Broward County dropped by 60%; in Miami-Dade County, veteran homelessness decreased by nearly 50%.
Seth Eisenberg, the program’s co-founder and CEO, says following the science combined with an almost insatiable appetite for novel technology is better for clients and ultimately less expensive to taxpayers. In 2020, for example, OST’s cost to provide services to a homeless or at-risk veteran family was less than half the national average and almost two-thirds less than other local providers.
Recently, I had a chance to dive into data to understand some of the unique aspects to the science of homelessness during the pandemic that may not be on the radar and how OST’s trauma-informed approach leads to both better service and lower costs.
The first thing that stood out was that the agency’s commitment to technology meant that while nearly all other programs, including local, state and federal agencies, suspended or delayed services during the early weeks of the pandemic, OST maintained 24/7 operations.
Marine Corps Veteran Juan Flores is the agency’s Director of Engagement, responsible for making sure the agency is staffed to answer calls, emails, and text messages every minute of every day, no matter the circumstances.
“Our experience with hurricanes prepared us for the pandemic,” Flores explained. Prior to COVID-19, Flores established mobile operation centers, including staff in multiple states who are able to access key data, verify eligibility, connect veterans to immediate care, and process urgent financial requests to ensure veterans in crisis could rapidly access assistance and resources.
While Flores said the agency’s 24/7 commitment is based on a shared commitment to service among the OST team, it’s also a reflection of what the “science ” has shown is necessary.
“The veterans we serve are frequently surviving on the street. They may not have a reliable phone, and don’t have a consistent address,” Flores said. “An unanswered call or message at any time could be a lost opportunity to serve a veteran in crisis. For some, it can be life or death.”
Understanding the science has also meant recognizing many of the veterans who reach out to OST are actively contemplating suicide. “Relationship breakdown is one of the most common shared experiences of the veterans we serve,” Eisenberg said. “When you combine relationship breakdown with loss of housing, many homeless veterans are at the highest risk of suicide.”
Eisenberg’s team implemented extensive trauma-informed care training across the agency to make sure every team member connecting with veterans in crisis understands trauma and is able to respond with empathy and compassion to help clients experience a sense of trust, safety, relief and hope.
The data also revealed important findings regarding factors that are leading increasing numbers of veterans to return to homelessness.
In South Florida this past year, OST served over 1,000 homeless veterans in both Miami-Dade and Broward counties, and unfortunately, many of these veterans found themselves returning to the organization due to unforeseen circumstances.
Out of the staggering number of veterans served, 523 were assessed for re-entry reasons between March 11, 2020, to March 11, 2021, encompassing an entire year of the COVID-19 pandemic.
Of these 523 homeless veterans, 272 resided in Miami-Dade County and 251 in Broward County.
Despite the eviction moratorium, 80% of the veterans returning to OST for emergency housing assistance did so as a result of eviction notices. That meant that regardless of headlines boosting of state and federal protections against evictions during the pandemic, many of the most vulnerable were kicked out of their homes while COVID-19 was still raging. During the peak months of the pandemic, Torner said the agency provided emergency housing to nearly 200 veterans each night.
The second leading reason veterans returned for emergency assistance during the pandemic was even more surprising. For more than one in ten, the return to homelessness was a result of disputes with family and friends.
Understanding and acting on that finding can have significant implications to the cost and strategies communities implement throughout the country.
“Imagine if we can prevent even five to ten percent of those who return to homelessness by adjusting the services they receive when they initially experience housing instability,” Eisenberg said. “Those kinds of innovations cost little to nothing, but can potentially impact millions of dollars in funding that will be needed in the future if we don’t pay careful attention to what the science is telling us.”
Eisenberg expects the 2021 Point-in-Time count to show increased challenges for emergency housing providers across the nation. In response, OST is helping other veteran service organizations adopt approaches that can save lives and resources. One examples is OST’s Essence of Care training, a highly experiential, 14-hour online certification program that delivers skills for improved communication, problem solving, and emotional connection. “The result is better collaboration that embraces diversity and exemplifies empathy and compassion through every point-of-contact,” Eisenberg said.
“None of us can do this alone,” Flores stressed. “Following the science, particularly what we’re learning about the trauma of homelessness, trauma-informed care, strengthening resiliency, integrating technology, and helping clients address the underlying causes of housing instability, can go a long way.”
“We are making great strides towards our goal of one day not having to associate the words homeless and veteran,” Eisenberg added. “Our hope is to effectively end veteran homelessness not just in South Florida, but around the nation.”
Sukie Hernandez, a current Ph.D. candidate, began her higher education academic journey by obtaining her undergraduate degree in Psychology, quickly followed by a Masters degree in Biomedical Sciences, and is now in her final year of completing a Doctorate degree in General Psychology. Ms. Hernandez has vast knowledge of a wide variety of social services topics, with a specific interest in veteran homelessness. She has held the position of adjunct faculty member at one of South Florida’s largest public universities. In her free time, she enjoys volunteering at local community outreach centers, spending quality time with her husband who is a decorated U.S. Army Combat Veteran, and their four-legged companion, Harley.
It’s not just in the military that women may have to work harder to achieve similar results and benefits to their male counterparts. A survey of female veterans receiving emergency housing assistance during the pandemic reveals significant gender differences.
It’s not just in the military that women may have to work harder to achieve similar results and benefits to their male counterparts. A survey of male and female veterans receiving emergency housing benefits over the past 12 months reveals significant differences in the average duration of military service of women versus men.
Operation Sacred Trust is a nationally-accredited, nonprofit Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program serving homeless and at-risk veterans in Broward and Miami-Dade counties in southern Florida. In the 12 months since the World Health Organization declared COVID-19 a global pandemic on March 11, 2020, the agency provided emergency assistance to 1,248 South Florida veterans and 579 additional household members.
Seth Eisenberg, the agency’s co-founder and chief executive, said the group of 1,248 veterans receiving housing assistance provided a total of 38,500 months of military service, an average just short of 31 months each. During this period, Eisenberg said 13% of those receiving emergency housing benefits through the agency were women.
Overall, female Veterans receiving the emergency housing benefits served in the military an average of 36 months versus 30 months for their male counterparts, Eisenberg said.
Those who received benefits from the SSVF program are grouped into two categories: (1) literally homeless and (2) seeking prevention assistance to remain housed. During the first 12 months of the pandemic, 59% of those receiving benefits were seeking help to remain housed. On average, male veterans seeking assistance to remain housed served 32.2 months of active duty; female veterans seeking the same assistance served an average of 37.6 months.
While female veterans were 13% of the overall total receiving housing assistance from the Supportive Services for Veteran Families program, women were more likely to reach out for prevention assistance. Fifteen percent of veterans receiving help to protect their current housing in the first 12 months of the pandemic were females.
During this period, women were also more likely to include other people in their household, either a child, spouse, or partner. The average female veteran household receiving assistance during over these 12 months included two people. Male veterans were more likely to be single-person households.
The data review also revealed significant differences based on branch of service. For example, differences in the duration of military services between men and women were greater for women serving in the Army than the Air Force, Navy and Marine Corps.
The number of homeless and at-risk female veterans has been steadily increasing since the agency began providing services in 2011, Eisenberg said. Operation Sacred Trust, he said, actively targets at-risk female veterans through social media, includes onsite childcare and family friendly meeting rooms to accommodate female veterans with children, and prioritized recruiting and training trauma-informed female veterans to serve in the program’s outreach, engagement, and care teams.
Since FY 2012, VA’s Supportive Services for Veterans Families program has provided hundreds of millions of dollars to assist homeless and very low-income veterans in communities throughout the United States. Prior to the pandemic, that effort significantly contributed to reducing veteran homelessness by more than 50 percent. Eisenberg said pandemic-related job losses, small business failures, and higher housing costs have led to increased challenges for VA-funded collaborations like Operation Sacred Trust.
Veterans without stable housing were often at the highest risk of serious health consequences from COVID-19. “Over the past year, ensuring every veteran in our community had a safe place to sleep became a life or death challenge,” Eisenberg said.
A nationwide list of VA-funded Supportive Services for Veteran Families programs and contact information is available online at veteranhousinghelp.com. Housing assistance for homeless and very-low income veterans at risk of homelessness in Broward and Miami-Dade counties is available through Operation Sacred Trust, Mission United, and the Advocate Program.
Beating Homelessness, Veterans Help Others Get Benefits They’ve Earned : Fatherhood Channel
Army Veteran Alex Sangster was barely staying alive under a Fort Lauderdale bridge. Help from local law enforcement, community partners and VA helped save his life and move the 64-year old cancer survivor into a home of his own. Army Veteran Alex Sangster, 64, was […]
Army Veteran Alex Sangster was barely staying alive under a Fort Lauderdale bridge. Help from local law enforcement, community partners and VA helped save his life and move the 64-year old cancer survivor into a home of his own.
Army Veteran Alex Sangster, 64, was barely surviving under a bridge when COVID-19 hit South Florida.
I often wondered about the memories that kept Mr. Sangster alive during the long days and nights he spent living under that bridge.
He’d served his nation at home and abroad during the final years of Vietnam, returning to Miami at a time of strife against which his honorable history of service and sacrifice offered little protection from poverty, discrimination, and the challenges of being a young black man without a job, money, or family who could help.
Drugs increasingly hijacked a life that so often felt hopeless; homelessness, hospitals, and prisons became his decades-long reality.
As COVID-19 descended on South Florida, a local police officer reached out to Operation Sacred Trust for help. Immediately, Mr. Sangster was in an emergency hotel with other Veterans at the highest risk of dying from the novel coronavirus.
Those months in the VA-funded Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program included time for Mr. Sangster to tackle his demons, develop new friendships, and get help pursuing benefits he’d earned as a soldier. Professionals from Miami VA’s HUD-VASH housing program worked tirelessly with the Operation Sacred Trust team and Mr. Sangster to identify and secure housing that could provide a safe, stable, permanent home for this proud Veteran.
This week, Mr. Sangster left the hotel for a HUD-VASH supported apartment with his name on the lease, the start of a new chapter, and an opportunity to begin living life in ways that for decades felt beyond impossible. The Operation Sacred Trust will never forget our time together, how Mr. Sangster touched our lives, and our gratitude to the HUD-VASH Care team that will now work regularly to ensure the continued safety and well-being of such a courageous soul.
Mr. Sangster is one of more than 1,000 South Florida Veterans served by Operation Sacred Trust this year. His resilience, strength, and near constant smile touched each of our team members involved in his care.
We pray for his health, happiness, and that he finally has a very real opportunity at life itself.
In the video clip below, Mr. Sangster shares (explicitly) about surviving under a bridge, facing his addictions, and hopes for the future.
The consequences of pandemic anger can be as deadly as the coronavirus itself. It’s seeping into homes and neighborhoods throughout America.
Pandemic anger is seeping its way into homes, classrooms, offices and neighborhoods. It’s a central character in the mental health pandemic and can be as deadly as the coronavirus itself.
Pandemic anger comes from intense emotions bottled up that get taken out on others, typically those we most love.
I’m reminded of a US Navy Chaplain at a PAIRS Professional Training.
His wife spent too much, gossiped too much, complained too much, did too little.
In front of a group of about 30 in a four-day relationship skills training for professionals, the chaplain continued.
“I’m mad that she’s always got something to complain about,” he said with the stoicism of Marshall Will Kane, as if he’d stepped right off the set of High Noon.
“Thank you,” replied his exercise partner. “What else are you mad or angry about?”
“I’m angry that she’s constantly on the phone with her sisters, sharing every detail of our personal life,” he answered.
As he spoke, the chaplain’s eyes remained locked on the partner asking the questions; his words detached from any nuance of emotion.
“Thank you. What else are you mad or angry about?” the questioner asked almost robotically, without comment or judgment on the chaplain’s words.
“I”m angry she’s buying stuff we don’t need and it doesn’t stop,” the chaplain quickly replied.
“Thank you. What else are you mad or angry about?” the chaplain was asked again.
The valiant, decorated officer who’d spent years ministering to Sailors and Marines in battlegrounds across the globe, continued to confide his anger towards the inconsiderate, self-absorbed wife he described through her actions.
It had to be a freeing moment for the warrior always meeting the urgent needs of others to be asked about his own feelings.
Maybe it helped that his wife of more than 20 years wasn’t present during that training and that no one in the room knew either him or her.
When the chaplain couldn’t find anything else he was angry about, even after his partner asked, “If there was anything else you’re mad or angry about, what would it be?” they continued to the next step in the exercise.
“What are you sad about?”
After several responses connected to the anger he felt towards his wife’s behaviors, the chaplain paused for nearly a minute.
His eyes were no longer locked on his exercise partner, but focused downward, inward.
His strong, confident voice quivered as he began to speak.
“I’m sad that I had to tell the family their son was never coming home,” he answered.
He continued to confide his sadness, revealing emotions he’d buried deep within through 12 notifications to 12 families that would never see, hear or embrace their loved one again.
Twelve times in less than two years, the chaplain had been assigned to deliver those messages in person.
He’d courageously done what was asked of him, what was required of him.
As he continued through the exercise, going from confiding feelings of anger to sadness, fear or worry, and, ultimately, gratitude, the chaplain realized the price his family was paying for the pain he’d bottled up. He realized the price he was paying by allowing that pain to become anger directed at those he loved most in the world.
SITFU stands for “suck it the f— up”. It’s a phrase America’s Soldiers, Sailors, Marines and their peers across the branches learn early in the military.
The lasting price is often paid in the end of first marriages, second and even third.
It can show up with enormous irritation towards the actions of others, particularly our most significant others.
It can lead to children growing up without their mothers and fathers.
Violence directed to self and others.
At the extreme, suicide or homicide.
The global mental health pandemic is leading many people to hand the bill for upsetting, painful emotions to people they’d otherwise give their lives to protect. The concept of SITFU is no longer exclusive to the military. It can rapidly evolve into pandemic anger.
Without the self-knowledge that comes from the ability to understand intense emotions in ourselves and others, that pain gets passed along to children, spouses, siblings, co-workers, neighbors and anyone else close and safe enough to hand the bill.
Sure people do things that we don’t like. Who among us doesn’t sometimes do something we ourselves don’t like? Of course that will happen with others, particularly those closest with whom we are on the field of life most often.
One of my greatest teachers taught me that I could find whatever I’m looking for in another person, and that I’d learn more about myself at any given moment by what I’m focusing on and finding in others.
For those who are feeling particularly short-tempered or angry towards loved ones in the midst of a pandemic in which we’ve so often felt helpless, it’s important to understand what’s underneath those feelings.
That doesn’t necessarily take a therapist, counselor or psychiatrist to discover, although all can be helpful. Couples, families and loved ones can learn to do that for each other with benefits that can last, and protect, a lifetime.
Seth Eisenberg is President/CEO of Purpose Built Families Foundation and Co-Founder of Operation Sacred Trust.
Military families have valuable experience that can help others overcome the mental health pandemic already affecting millions.
Military families have a lot of experience helping loved ones overcome trauma-related stress and anxiety. Those experiences will become increasingly important as people focus on the mental health pandemic that’s already affecting millions.
For many, a valuable lesson is that the resources they need most may already be inside their homes or not far away.
A hand to hold or a hug (with permission).
A loved one who can listen without interruption, distraction, judgement, or giving in to the urge to offer advice.
Those are two aspects of bonding.
Bonding goes to the heart of reducing the impact of life’s natural stressors and relieving the impact of a once in a hundred-year event such as the COVID-19 pandemic.
Bonding is the unique combination of emotional and physical connection with another person. It’s perhaps our civilization’s oldest natural remedy, often less available to modern man than it was to our ancestors thousands of years ago.
It’s also among the most important contributions we can offer someone going through a mental health crisis.
For many, bonding can be as helpful and healing as the most powerful medications or expensive professionals.
Yet with all our amazing modern knowledge and training, few know how to create a safe space where they’re able to emotionally and physically connect with a person experiencing high levels of anxiety, stress, or trauma.
Parents often lose their connection with children when they’re needed most. So do siblings, spouses, close friends, colleagues, and many others.
When it comes to protecting the emotional health of loved ones, knowing how to create and sustain bonding can be as important as CPR.
(more…)Many veteran and military families struggle to access help that could save lives. Your voice can make a difference for them.
“If you are in pain, I think I should be able to fix it. I don’t know how or can’t fix it, so I feel guilty and inadequate. I can’t stand feeling that way, so I withdraw and distance myself from you, maybe even blame you, for being in pain.”
~”Love Knot” common for many military and veteran families.
Thanksgiving is a time to be especially vigilant about the hidden expectations we’re carrying around and making sure they don’t creep up in ways that keep us from closeness with those who need us the most. It’s also a time that we especially consider our military families and the Soldiers, Sailors, Marines, Coast Guardsmen, Air Force, National Guard and Reserve members who are today far from their loved ones.
The quotation above represent one of the most common “love knots” experienced by veteran and military families. Love knots are hidden expectations that often sabotage our closest relationships.
Having served thousands of homeless veterans and trained hundreds of VA and DoD chaplains on the frontlines of service to America’s veteran and military families over the past decade, I’m painfully aware of the consequences marriage and family breakdown has on those who defend our freedoms. Much of that breakdown emerges from the kinds of hidden expectations and assumptions represented by this love knot and dozens that are similar. [For a full list, visit purposebuiltfamilies.com/loveknots.]
Relationship breakdown is the most common precedent shared by veterans who spiral into homeless. VA’s recent 2020 Annual Report on Suicide reported similar findings about former service members who take their lives by suicide:
“Among VHA patients, suicide rates are highest among those who are divorced, widowed, or never married, and rates are lowest among those who are married.”
VA 2020 Annual Report on Suicide
Knowing that preventing relationship breakdown is key to disrupting tragedies such as suicide and homelessness, we’d expect leadership to be taking every action necessary to safeguard those who protect the rest of us.
Unfortunately, despite enormous advances in technology, research, significant investments of public funds, and tens of thousands of senseless deaths, that expectation is often not the reality for veteran and military families.
The example I’m most familiar with is the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Warrior to Soul Mate initiative, which began as a grassroots effort spearheaded by a dedicated VA Chaplain, Ed Waldrop, at the Charlie Norwood VA Medical Center in Augusta, Georgia in 2009. After seeing Chaplain Waldrop interview the couple in the video below, other VA professionals committed to the highest level of care were inspired to expand Warrior to Soul Mate nationwide.
Despite VA’s investment of millions of dollars to purchase licensing for the Warrior to Soul Mate program and direct experience seeing its impact among diverse populations nationwide, the program remains stalled within a bureaucracy unable or unwilling to make cost-effective, proven help widely available to those veteran and military families who reach out urgently seeking assistance:
“My PTSD is affecting my marriage and wife says I don’t care anymore.”
“My relationship is in need, we have been through the wringer and it’s taken a huge toll. How can we get help?”
“My husband joined the military in 1994. He then became a Army Ranger. We struggle immensely with communicating and intimacy. He’s never been able to move past his training and what he experienced. We were married for 3 yrs, divorced for 3 and then remarried each other. Unless we get help we are doomed for divorce. I’m absolutely desperate!”
Veteran families reaching out for help that’s often inaccessible.
That reality comes after VA’s own internal findings three years ago, published in a VA White Paper, validating Warrior to Soul Mate’s impressive impact:
After VA’s experience with this kind of grassroots initiative that positively and measurably impacted thousands of veterans and their family members over a decade, in which VA invested millions of taxpayer dollars, I could not have imagined it would be stuck in a system that couldn’t overcome the types of challenges with virtual learning and tele-health that have become ubiquitous in other areas of public life.
At the same time, there are many cases in which those who serve our nation’s military and veteran families are nothing less than heroic. The tragedy is that when that doesn’t happen, the price is paid by veteran and military families themselves.
In a month in which we observe both Veterans Day and Thanksgiving, it’s particularly difficult to accept that leadership responsible for protecting our nation’s military and veteran families aren’t doing everything possible to uphold those obligations.
It’s equally difficult to see grassroots VA professionals across the country, among the most dedicated people I can imagine caring for our nation’s Veterans, struggling for the most basic support needed to deliver care to veteran and military families.
For those fortunate to have active-duty service members or veterans in our lives, and those who are particularly concerned with the well-being of our military and veteran families at this time of Thanksgiving, that means it’s up to each of us.
Urging those responsible for care to act with an urgency consistent with our sacred trust to all who have “borne the battle and their loved ones” can make a difference.
Remembering that even when a loved one is in pain and we can’t fix it, that we can still be a loving witness to their lives will make a difference too.
— — –
Seth Eisenberg is President/CEO of Purpose Built Families Foundation and Co-Founder of Operation Sacred Trust.
Rocky relationships and romances that survived COVID face their reckonings as improving economy and vaccine offer couples more freedom.
Rocky marriages and relationships that survived COVID will face their reckonings as an improving economy and forthcoming vaccine offer more freedom for couples to decide if they will make-up or break-up when the threat subsides.
I grew up often sitting on the other side of the door of mom’s basement office as she helped couples and families find their way through the crises that threatened their marriages, families and very lives through the sixties and seventies. For many, it was a time of transition as the expectations of relationships increasingly shifted from the submissive-dominant model of their parents and grandparents to the equality of peers.
While it will take years to know the details, we can be certain COVID’s impact on marriages and families will be significant and lasting.
Despite her experience and reputation as a skilled marriage and family therapist, mom discovered that the best help she could offer was skills training that helped clients find their own answers. That’s equally true today for couples who are considering if they’re going to remain committed to the relationships that helped them survive this tragic global pandemic.
She didn’t have a magic wand to change the past or decide the future for anyone, even our family. She could, however, help clients focus on what mattered, decide what they wanted to do about it, and support them with practical, usable tools that gave them the best chance of doing that competently.
For many rocky marriages, relationships, and romances that survived COVID and will soon face their reckonings as an improving economy and forthcoming vaccine offer more freedom, that help is as important as ever.
These five questions were particularly important to couples and individuals who came to her for advice deciding whether to make-up or break-up when their marriages, families, or romances were in trouble. They are questions participants in PAIRS (“Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills”) classes consider from the outset of their training.
(more…)Veterans Day is a celebration of the extraordinary. Matthew Ramasir serves on the frontline helping fellow Veterans overcome homelessness.
More than 20 million Americans will be celebrated on Veterans Day today, according to VA’s most recent Veteran Population Project model.
America’s Veterans are among our nation’s most cherished communities.
They represent our most ambitious values: loyalty, duty, respect, courage, commitment, integrity first, service before self, honor, and devotion.
The United States has come a long way towards honoring the sacred trust we enter into with every man and woman who offers their lives to protect the vast majority of Americans who have never served.
Despite progress, tens of thousands of Veterans are homeless. Many are forced to fight to obtain benefits they’ve earned and deserve.
Challenges common throughout America, from the threat of the novel coronavirus, jobs, living wages and the economy, safe, affordable housing, consistent, quality healthcare, climate change, and racial equity are significant for millions of Veterans too.
The sacrifices of our servicemen, women, their families, and caregivers are often experienced long beyond the end of their military service.
Visible and invisible wounds of war are seen and felt in every American neighborhood.
Libraries would overflow with the “thank you’s”, promises, and proclamations made by aspiring leaders at every level of public life. Too often, those words are empty when it comes to the fight Veteran families wage on their own, typically when they need their fellow Americans the most.
Increasingly, Veterans themselves are serving on the frontlines in American communities on behalf of their fellow Veterans.
Matthew Ramasir is one such Veteran.
Matthew is a Veteran Engagement Supervisor for one of 300 VA-funded Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) programs across the United States created to end Veteran homelessness, known as Operation Sacred Trust.
Like many, Matthew’s family immigrated to the promise of America. At his mother’s suggestion when he turned 18, he signed up to serve with the hope of earning his chance at the American dream.
Following four years in the Navy, Matthew today helps end homelessness for hundreds of Veterans without a place to call home in Broward and Miami-Dade counties.
Matthew’s story, and 20 million more, is the very real story of America.
It’s the story of those who pursue extraordinary ideals, values, and ambitions.
On Veterans Day, we celebrate Matthew and millions of his peers. They are the extraordinary among us.
Tomorrow and every other tomorrow, however, each of America’s Veterans will know the promise of our nation by how we honor that sacred trust in action.
Our response will impact the lives of the most vulnerable Veterans among us.
Ultimately, our answer will determine who is willing to take that solemn oath in the future to protect and defend our freedoms and opportunities to enjoy life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
—–
Seth Eisenberg is President/CEO of Purpose Built Families Foundation and Co-Founder of Operation Sacred Trust.
Veterans helping veterans overcome homelessness is becoming increasingly common as needs and challenges continue to grow.
PEMBROKE PINES, FL (OCTOBER 28, 2020) — The phone calls, texts and emails from veterans in crisis never pause at Operation Sacred Trust, South Florida’s largest nonprofit serving homeless and at-risk veterans, Jacob Torner said. Veterans helping veterans get to a better place is becoming more common as needs and challenges increase.
Torner, 23, got a job with the local VA-funded Supportive Services for Veteran Families (SSVF) program three years ago as an Intake Specialist. Relentless hard work, leadership, and unique problem solving skills helped him grow quickly as needs and resources expanded. Today, Torner is the nationally-accredited agency’s Vice President of Operations, helping oversee a $6.5 million budget and 45 full-time team members working 24/7 to keep Florida’s military veterans alive, stably housed, and off the streets.
Torner’s responsibilities include evaluating candidates who respond to the agency’s regular job postings on Indeed.com.
“Less than one in a hundred of the applications we receive are offered a position,” he said. “We have to know every member of our team will uphold our sacred trust through every point of contact. That’s not an easy challenge for anyone. Veterans helping veterans is becoming one of our most important resources.”
“Knowing every moment is urgent, that each person you’re serving is a hero whose life is at risk, that you can’t just call it a day at any specific time when your veteran needs help, that goes so far beyond what most people are ready to sign up for.”
~ Jacob Torner
“Few people can balance the constant state of crisis you face compassionately serving veterans who don’t have a safe place to sleep or are within days — sometimes hours — of losing the place they call home,” Torner added. “Knowing every moment is urgent, that each person you’re serving is a hero whose life is at risk, that you can’t just call it a day at any specific time when your veteran needs help, that goes so far beyond what most people are ready to sign up for.”
Increasingly, Torner is finding the most promising applicants are veterans themselves who embrace selfless service as a way of life and bring perspective that helps them quickly connect with their fellow veterans going through hard times.
“Everyday, I get to help veterans. It doesn’t feel like work.”
~ U.S. Marine Corps Veteran Noah Eisenmann
Noah Eisenmann, 24, is a Veteran Engagement Specialist at Operation Sacred Trust. Eisenmann joined the agency just ten days after completing his service in the U.S. Marine Corps, including multiple global deployments. A year after joining the SSVF team, Eisenmann said even the hardest days don’t feel like work.
“Everyday, I get to help veterans,” Eisenmann said. “It doesn’t feel like work.”
Torner said that’s the attitude he’s looking for as the Supportive Services for Veteran Families program continues growing to meet the increasing needs of local veterans impacted by Covid-19, job losses, and South Florida’s extreme shortage of affordable housing.
The program has current openings on five teams: engagement, care, information technology, housing and legal, Torner said.
Despite the urgency of filling open positions, Torner doesn’t ask people to apply or work through traditional recruiters.
“The level of commitment it takes to stick it out in a position serving veterans in crisis at a mission-driven agency like Operation Sacred Trust has to come from the deepest place in a person,” Torner said.
“For people who are driven to serve, among the brightest and most innovative in their fields, and who recognize the debt each of us have to our military and veteran families, it’s the opportunity of a lifetime,” he said.
More and more, for veterans who have already served for years or decades, helping their military brothers and sisters get to a better place is an opportunity they’re eagerly pursuing.
Low-income veterans are facing increased hardships, threatening South Florida with housing challenges that could impact the Miami-Fort Lauderdale landscape for years.
Low-income veterans are facing increased hardships, threatening South Florida with housing challenges that could impact the local landscape for years.
Pembroke Pines, Florida, October 20, 2020 — Purpose Built Families Foundation today announced preliminary data for the agency’s Operation Sacred Trust Veteran homelessness prevention and rapid rehousing program for the fiscal year ending September 30, 2020. Results demonstrate veterans in the greater Miami-Fort Lauderdale metropolitan area are facing increased hardships, resulting in elevated demands for more low-income housing, jobs, benefits, and financial resources. Activists say addressing these needs is necessary to protect veteran lives and prevent consequences that will ultimately cost more and take years to repair.
From October 2019 through September 2020, Operation Sacred Trust (“OST”) served 1,800 very low-income veterans and family members in Broward and Miami-Dade counties, Founder & CEO Seth Eisenberg reported. That’s nearly double the number of veteran households receiving assistance from the agency last year.
The nationally-accredited, nonprofit based in Pembroke Pines reported distributing $3.7 million in temporary financial assistance for veteran families in the Miami-Fort Lauderdale metropolitan area, 64 percent of which went to rental assistance and security deposits, according to consolidated data for Broward and Miami-Dade counties.
“We’re fighting day and night to keep veteran homelessness from leading to hundreds of our former servicemen and women from living on the streets in Broward and Miami-Dade counties,” Eisenberg said. “Since launching services in 2011, our community succeeded far beyond many other large cities. Those successes are threatened if we don’t rapidly address the increased hardships facing local veterans.”
More than three quarters of veterans who were literally homeless when they reached Operation Sacred Trust this year were disabled and had total household income below 30 percent of the Area Median Income. In Miami-Dade County, that means total household income below $19,200 annually. Thirty percent of those veterans were chronically homeless.
“For more than two-thirds of veterans served by Operation Sacred Trust this year, the combination of COVID, job losses, increased daily living expenses, and lack of low-income, affordable housing pushed them into their first tragic experience of homelessness,” said Eisenberg.
“There’s an urgency to preventing more veterans from becoming homeless in our community and interrupting homelessness for those who already are. That’s a sacred trust we have with those who served, and the cost of not acting effectively will be exponentially greater,” Eisenberg said.
Homeless veterans are more likely to be high utilizers of costly emergency services, face incarceration, addictions, and grapple with other challenges that are far more expensive to the public than providing housing, studies have shows. Veterans experiencing homelessness are also at higher risks for suicide.
Eisenberg reported that more than 90 percent of veterans enrolled in prevention services were able to stay in their homes this year, while more than two thirds of those reaching out literally homeless were able to be placed in permanent housing. Keeping local veterans housed was largely due to support from Carrfour Supportive Housing, the state’s largest nonprofit housing developer, he said. Hundreds of extremely low-income veterans served by Operation Sacred Trust today live in Carrfour communities throughout Miami-Dade County.
Juan Flores, the local SSVF’s program’s Director of Engagement, said that despite help from Carrfour and others, there’s an extreme shortage of low-income, affordable housing for local veterans. Nearly 200 veterans remain housed by Operation Sacred Trust in local hotels while a team of care managers help them navigate challenges to receiving increased benefits, job training, employment, and permanent, affordable housing, Flores said. Vouchers issued by local housing authorities often in coordination with the Miami VA are the most important resource to keeping extremely low-income, disabled veterans from living on the streets, he said.
As a result of the novel coronavirus, Purpose Built Families Foundation spent $737,373 to provide emergency housing assistance this year, a more than 10-fold increase over prior years, Torner said.
“COVID left us with no choice,” Flores said of the agency’s decision to provide hundreds of emergency hotel rooms to keep veterans off the streets after coronavirus became widespread in the community.
The agency was fortunate to be able to access increased temporary federal assistance for local veterans through CARES funding expedited by VA as shelters and other emergency housing options either shutdown or posed health risks to veterans already facing complex health challenges, Torner added.
Nearly ninety percent of those served this year were single person households, Eisenberg reported. The majority were older than 55, he said.
“The number of veterans in urgent need of services peaked to a nine-year high in July,” Eisenberg said. “We expect the number of veterans needing emergency help to increase again as local, state and federal eviction moratoriums are lifted.”
“We’re already seeing evictions resume,” added Flores. “Without significant additional funding or contributions to keep hundreds of veterans in emergency hotels, many of these heroes may tragically have no safety net.”
“The combined impact of COVID closures, high unemployment, higher daily living costs, and lack of affordable, low-income housing could lead hundreds more veterans to become chronically homeless in Broward and Miami-Dade counties,” Flores said.
“How we collectively care for those who have borne the battle and their loved ones will impact our community for years to come.”
~ CEO Seth Eisenberg
Funded by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs Supportive Services for Veteran Families (“SSVF”) program, Operation Sacred Trust is one of 300 public-private partnerships the VA has created since 2011 to end veteran homelessness in communities across the country. Before the pandemic, the program was credited with reducing local veteran homelessness by more than 50 percent and ending chronic veteran homelessness in Miami-Dade County.
Care Director Camille Eisenmann said it will take increased resources and the highest level of coordination between VA, SSVF providers such as Operation Sacred Trust, United Way’s Mission United partnerships, Miami’s Advocate Program, and local Continuums of Care for the community to have any hope of maintaining those hard fought gains.
“No one can solve this level of challenge alone.”
~ Care Director Camille Eisenmann
“No one can solve this level of challenge alone,” Eisenmann said. “Our most vulnerable veteran families are counting on VA, our community, and everyone who cares about those who have served to do more than we’ve ever been asked to do,” Eisenmann said.
“The pandemic has forced us to show who we are as a community beyond anytime in recent memory,” Eisenberg said. “How we collectively care for those who have borne the battle and their loved ones will impact our community for years to come.”
To be eligible for SSVF services from Operation Sacred Trust, a Veteran must be very low-income, have served active duty, received a discharge other than dishonorable, and be homeless or facing imminent homelessness. For more information or to help, visit ostfl.com or call (855) SSVF-411 (855-778-3411).