Self-esteem as our auto-immune system
Summary
A 14-Day relationship skills class for couples in quarantine is available, helping boost emotional connection, problem-solving, and self-esteem in the fight against the coronavirus pandemic.
A 14-Day relationship skills class for couples in quarantine is available, helping boost emotional connection and self-esteem in the fight against the coronavirus pandemic.
Published by Purpose Built Families Foundation, a nationally accredited nonprofit based in Pembroke Pines, Florida, the course is designed to be self-taught over three hour daily sessions through the typical two week coronavirus quarantine.
Purpose Built Families CEO Seth Eisenberg said the program is being distributed this week to people in Connecticut, California, New York, Texas, Wisconsin, Florida, Colorado, Alabama, Georgia, Louisiana, and Washington state.
“Emotional health provides important protection for physical health,” Eisenberg said. “Pent up feelings of anger, fear, and sadness have an impact on how we feel,” he said.
“Dealing with coronavirus is also a chance to make life better, beginning with those we love most,” he said.
“Improving how we feel about ourselves,” Eisenberg added, “positively impacts how we treat others. When someone’s mean to another person, it’s a safe bet they’re not happy with themselves.”
CEO Seth Eisenberg
“Improving how we feel about ourselves,” Eisenberg added, “positively impacts how we treat others. When someone’s mean to another person, it’s a safe bet they’re not happy with themselves.”
“One way to look at self-esteem is to think of it as something we do,” Dr. Don Adams, a North Carolina psychologist, writes in the Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills program (“PAIRS”), which provides the foundation for The 14-Day Class.
“Many of us walk around feeling more or less OK until something happens to trigger our doubts about ourselves. Perhaps something we are building does not work, a friend criticizes us, or a lover acts cold. Suddenly we are struck down, much in the same fashion as we are when we are attacked by an overload of germs, biogens that produce illness.
“Suddenly these germs start to grow and multiply in the fertile soil of our doubt about ourselves, turning ‘I made a mistake’ into the self-esteem disease of ‘I am worthless.’ The body, when attacked by physical biogen, must make antibodies to fight off the disease that is growing in our bodies. Similarly our minds must make antibodies to fight off the self-esteem disease which has struck our psyches. Un-countered, our messages to ourselves of self-doubt, self-hate, and self-devaluing can create a self-esteem disease that can last for hour, days, weeks, or even a lifetime.
“How do we produce antibodies, antigens specific to the toxic self-doubt? We have to do something. We have to tell ourselves something different, something affirming, something validating. We must produce antigens that sound like ‘I’m lovable,’ ‘I’m good enough,’ ‘Many people find me a pleasure,’ ‘I have a right to my needs,’ ‘They are my feelings,’ ‘I will decide for myself,’ etc. Each of us must create the specific antibody within the psychological immune system (the mind and heart) to fight the specific doubt that has been triggered and which is now making you ill.
The 14-Day Class includes questions to lead couples through 12 guided conversations about topics such as health, family, work, children, spirituality, and death and dying. 
Whether couples are physically together or connected virtually, the self-guided training suggests questions that are common sources of misunderstanding, assumptions, and conflict.
“You can learn to boost your psychological immune systems. People with high self-esteem have learned to ward off events that prick their self esteem within seconds of the event; they almost never become sick with doubt. We all can learn to do this because, in truth and in reality, we are all lovable and we are all good enough. We first have to find this out for ourselves.”
The 14-Day Class™ will be available in April from Amazon Publishing. A limited number will be available Monday from PurposeBuiltFamilies.com. The foundation is offering discounted or free copies to those facing financial hardship.