Getting over grudges that can sabotage Valentine’s Day

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day when you’re holding onto grudges? That’s awfully difficult. Writing a “Letting Go of Grudges Letter” can help.

It’s important in a relationship to get and stay current with your feelings, keep a clear focus on the present, stop living in the shadow of old resentments, anger, or bitterness. This does not mean denying upsetting feelings about what has happened in the past. Quite the contrary. It’s important to acknowledge those feelings, express them, get a clear overview of them, and then to let them go.

How do you get there? A good start is writing a “Letting Go of Grudges Letter.”

When you complete the letter, having expressed the range of your feelings, see if your feelings have changed.

Here are your instructions:

Think of a grudge you are holding, something you have upsetting feelings about. For this time, select someone other than your partner as the object of your anger. You won’t actually send this letter. Sticking with the same issue, complete as many of the sentence stems in each category that you can. Take this opportunity to release whatever pent-up anger, resentment, and hurt you’ve been feeling. Do not leave the letter unfinished. Be sure to carry it through to the last category. At the end, see how you feel then.

1. ANGER AND BLAME

I resent…

I’m outraged by…

I’m fed up with…

I can’t stand…

I can’t forgive you for…

I needed…

2. HURT AND SADNESS

I feel hurt by…

I feel sad when…

I am disappointed because…

I feel awful because…

I want…

3. FEAR AND INSECURITY

I am anxious because…

I am afraid that…

What scares me is…

I’m worried about…

I want…

4. GUILT AND RESPONSIBILITY

I regret…

I may be to blame for…

I feel sympathy for…

I didn’t mean to…

Please forgive me for…

I wish…

5. FORGIVENESS, UNDERSTANDING, DESIRE & LOVE

I appreciate…

I realize…

I value…

I love…

I hope…

Ready to get started with a Valentine’s Day gift that lasts? Learn about “Stages of Relationship” and how they influence intimacy from this PAIRS Professional Training video and grab a copy of this Questions for Clarifying Expectations worksheet.