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Miley Cyrus twerking and tonguing has moms aghast

The most memorable voices from Sunday’s 2013 MTV VMAs (Video Music Awards) may be a group who weren’t on stage at Brooklyn’s Barclays Center.

America’s mothers.

Miley Cyrus as Hannah Montana

The Miley Cyrus trusted by millions of parents.

Millions of moms and dads who trusted Miley Cyrus as a role model for their little girls through multiple seasons of Disney’s Hannah Montana were shocked by the I-am-no-longer-a-child pop star’s provocative tonguing and crotch twerking during a duet performance with Robin Thicke. It did not help that Miley Cyrus appeared nearly naked in a skin-colored two-piece holding a giant foam finger.

Comedian Bill Maher tweeted during the performance, “Watching VMAs. Haven’t been in a strip club in a while, but good to see nothing has changed.”

Plenty of moms have been busy with open letters to Miley Cyrus and their own daughters this week.

More than 1,000 responded to Kim Keller’s “Dear daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you,” on her roadkillgoldfish blog.

“This is what happens when no responsible adult has ever said the word ‘no,’ made you change your clothes before leaving the house, or never spanked your butt for deliberate defiance,” Keller wrote Monday.

Sasha Emmons addressed Miley Cyrus directly in “An Open Letter to Miley Cyrus, From a Concerned Mom.”

“If I were your mother, you’d be getting a stern talking-to this morning. That was not art, and it was not sexy. It was desperate,” Emmons wrote through iVillage.com.

In the Huffington Post, Lisa Belkin wrote, “I get it. I see how it might have seemed logical to you. But here’s what you didn’t take into account: As long as you have to insist on it, it’s not true yet, meaning you are just proving exactly the opposite of what you’d intended. That’s as much a fact at 20 as it was at 2, except at 2, it was cute.”

PAIRS Talking Tips

PAIRS Talking Tips. Used with permission of PAIRS Foundation.

With a little help from PAIRS Foundation, a longtime industry leader in marriage and relationship education, I’d suggest pulling out a Talking Tips wallet card to start conversations about Miley’s performance.

Free of distractions, sitting knee-to-knee with eye and hand contact with our daughters, I’d start this way:

I notice …

Miley Cyrus’ performance at the VMA’s sure was different from how we remember her from Hannah Montana.

I assume this means …

Miley Cyrus is either hungry for even more publicity, wants the world to know she’s not a little girl anymore, or maybe a little of both.

I think …

It’s wrong that Miley Cyrus abused our trust and faith expecting her to be a good role model after supporting her for so long as fans, buying her merchandise, music and more.

I am frustrated by …

Trusting her in the first place so much that our house is still full of Hannah Montana stuff that I’m eager to either toss in the trash or send overseas.

I am hurt by ….

The possibility that you look up to Miley Cyrus and might think it’s okay to act the way she did now or ever.

I worry about …

How confusing this could be to you and your friends who have been her fans and admired her.

I want …

You to talk to me about what you think about what she did and how you feel about it.

I appreciate …

You for being smart, beautiful, a great friend and daughter, and having a good sense of what’s right and wrong.

I realize ….

You know the difference between what Miley Cyrus does on TV for publicity and what’s okay and not okay.

I hope …

You will continue to grow up as the amazing daughter and person you are and always use the great judgment you have in deciding what’s right for you regardless of what you see from Miley Cyrus and other performers who are often motivated more by wanting publicity and money than behaving right.

RELATED:

PAIRS Talking Tips Exercise

Dear Miley: Here’s What I Hope You Learned About Adulthood After The VMAs

Dear Daughter, let Miley Cyrus be a lesson to you

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August 2013
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