UPDATE: Join Us in Ontario, California for PAIRS Professional Training in Collaboration with the California Healthy Marriage Coalition, May 11-14, 2010. Call (877) PAIRS-4U (724 7748), or e-mail email@example.com for more information.
Join our mission of creating a safer, saner, more loving world through evidence-based educational programs for fatherhood, marriage and families. PAIRS professional training prepares educators, counselors, health care professionals, clergy, and others to deliver the world’s premier relationship skills training programs.
Over more than a quarter century, PAIRS’ range of relationship skills building programs have been recognized as best practices with significant research validating the lasting positive impact on course participants and contributions to the well-being of children. Participants in brief programs learn practical, proven skills and strategies to enhance communications, bonding, attachment, emotional understanding, and constructive conflict resolution.
A recent study of 419 men participating in the nine-hour PAIRS Essentials class in Spanish and English confirmed significant benefits six months after course completion:
- 94% reported improvement in their overall relationship;
- 93% reported improvement in regularly sharing appreciations;
- 92% reported improvement in their ability to resolve conflicts constructively;
- 89% reported improvement in their ability to confide emotions;
- 84% reported improvement in their physical intimacy.
A study of 493 parents of school age children revealed that prior to their participation in PAIRS, 70% considered separation, divorce or terminating their relationship. Six months after completing the nine-hour PAIRS Essentials class, 60% of program graduates reported that ending their relationship is never considered.
In response to the question, “How often do you think things between you and your partner are going well,” the percentage who answered “almost every day” increased nearly 53%, the percentage who answered “all the time” increased 128%.
Program graduates are better prepared for creating, nurturing and sustaining strong, healthy families and providing vital resources for the well-being of children.
Graduates report significant improvements in reaching agreements on career, financial, and other key areas of family decision-making, reducing the frequency of arguments, and creating an environment in which regularly sharing appreciations, confiding emotions, and nurturing loved ones are building blocks of resilient families.
Bring PAIRS to your Community
PAIRS Foundation offers certification training for educators, counselors, health care professionals, clergy, lay leaders and others who are committed to innovation and empowerment for fatherhood, marriage and families.
The four-day Level One Professional Training prepares graduates to deliver PAIRS Essentials and PAIRS for Life classes to adults and PAIRS for PEERS to youth.
Enrollment is now open for certification training in English in Weston, Florida March 10-13, 2010; Spanish, March 17-20. Learn more at training.pairs.com.
For those unable to travel to South Florida, PAIRS also offers online training opportunities.
Marriage Education PAIRS Foundation PAIRS Training family life educators fatherhood marriage and family innovation fund fatherhood training PAIRS Foundation PAIRS Professional Training PAIRS Training professional training for family life educators
What is PAIRS?
Intimacy is critical to the process of developing and sustaining close relationships, now a major concern in our culture. Modernization has shifted the primary function of marriage from providing security, stability, and raising children to developing a lifetime of love and intimacy. In previous generations successful marriages depended upon duty and role competence. Modern marriages require greater interpersonal competence as well as equality between partners. Relationships are sought that not only create stable families but also provide partners with a lifetime of love and companionship.
The PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills) programs, developed by Lori H. Gordon, Ph.D., provide a comprehensive system to enhance self-knowledge and to develop the ability to sustain pleasurable intimate relationships. Gordon's approach integrates a wide range of theories and methods from psychology, education and psychotherapy and presents them in an educational format. PAIRS acts to bridge therapy, marital enrichment, and marriage and family development.
Programs: Courses and Workshops
PAIRS offers programs to the public led by PAIRS Trained Professionals (licensed health care professionals), and PAIRS Instructors (certified clergy and educators), trained under the auspices and supervision of Gordon and the PAIRS Foundation, the organization that officially oversees PAIRS programs, products and licensing worldwide. There are PTPs and facilitators around the world. Check “Finding an Educator” to find one near you or near one you love who may need PAIRS.
PAIRS is effective in all populations for which it has been adapted. PAIRS has relationship skills training programs for children and youth, PAIRS for PEERS, that are taught in schools, churches and agencies. PAIRS has programs for the Military, for use by chaplains and family service workers. PAIRS has faith-based programs for the Jewish, Catholic, and Christian church communities. PAIRS is currently developing programs and program delivery systems for disadvantaged youth, unmarried families, single parents, domestic violence, prison parolees, and related groups who can benefit from relationship skills training. PAIRS provides a vital ingredient to build stable marriages and healthy families with more hopeful futures for children. These programs for special groups will be taught by local agency workers and by specially trained community teachers and mentors. Research on PAIRS has demonstrated that PAIRS works for all groups under all circumstances evaluated. PAIRS is a modern technology adapted to our rapidly changing society in behalf of creating a saner, safer more loving world.
What you will learn in PAIRS
Sustaining a pleasurable intimate relationship does not work by magic. It depends upon a set of skills and understanding that can be learned. We learned most of what we know about intimate relationships through our early experiences in our families. Our personal history has a great deal of influence on what happens in our current relationships - on our behavior, our feelings, our expectations. We can change these influences if we become aware of them and wish to. It is well worthwhile to sort through what we inherited, keeping what fits for today and changing what does not.
PAIRS Competencies are specific skills that you will learn from PAIRS. These competencies focus in three areas: 1) emotional literacy; 2) conjoint partner skills for building and maintaining intimacy; and 3) practical knowledge, strategies and attitudes for sustaining positive marriage and family life. You may click on the above links to see a listing of the skills taught in PAIRS.
The Goal of PAIRS is a relationship that both partners can live with joyfully. For this to happen, each partner must become able to identify his or her own feelings and needs, and learn to communicate them in such a way that they can get met. This means communicating one's needs and desires without making the other partner feel resentful, smothered, burdened, manipulated, or inadequate. Easily and fully meeting each others' needs is the foundation of intimacy, fulfillment, and happiness.
PAIRS teaches specific easily learnable tools for successful communication such as confiding, complaining, and clarifying and for effective problems solving such as managing anger, expressing anger safely, fighting fairly for change and eliminating dirty fighting. PAIRS also guides the vast deepening of self-knowledge and develops emotional literacy. PAIRS addresses pleasure and satisfaction by teaching skills to enhance bonding, sensuality and sexuality in marriage. PAIRS teaches a profound but simple model, the Relationship Roadmap, to understand relationship success and to understand relationship mishaps and know what to do about them. PAIRS teaches over 60 skills that, after PAIRS, become the participants' PAIRS Tool Box for ongoing relationship maintenance.