What’s Wrong With Men? The Hidden Crisis Facing Boys, Dads, and Sons in America

David French’s recent conversation with Jordan Peterson in The New York Times points to a question that’s echoing across kitchen tables, classrooms, and courtrooms: What’s going on with our boys and men?

By nearly every measure—mental health, education, employment, and connection—millions of young men in America are struggling. And as French and Peterson agree, the crisis isn’t imagined. Suicide rates are higher. College completion is lower. Relationships are scarcer. And far too many boys are growing up without a clear sense of their place in the world.

But here’s the truth we need to stop avoiding: This isn’t just about politics, policy, or culture wars. It’s personal. It’s spiritual. And it’s emotional.

Masculinity Was Once Modeled. Now It Must Be Taught.

There was a time when you learned what it meant to be a man simply by being around other men—your father, your coach, your neighbor, your pastor. Manhood was modeled, often imperfectly, but consistently. Boys picked up responsibility, integrity, empathy, and strength by osmosis.

Today, that osmosis is broken. And many of the male role models who should be guiding the next generation are absent, overwhelmed, or themselves uncertain of their role.

Instead of mentors, many boys are turning to YouTube clips, gaming communities, or worse—echo chambers that exploit their anger and confusion rather than heal it. These digital mirages offer tough talk but no truth, authority without compassion, and rage without responsibility.

The Future Isn’t Female or Male. It’s Human.

Peterson raises valid concerns about how some institutions treat masculinity. But as French wisely notes, boys in conservative, religious, sports-loving communities are still floundering too. So the answer can’t be as simple as “fix the liberals.”

Yes, we need to stop labeling male energy as “toxic.” But celebrating hyper-traditional masculinity won’t fix the root problem either—especially when so many young men lack purpose, connection, and practical pathways to building meaningful lives.

Let’s be clear: The future isn’t “female” or “male.” It’s human. And that means equipping boys and girls alike with the emotional skills to thrive in relationships, families, work, and community.

What We Can—and Must—Do Now

Through PAIRS programs, we’ve seen that what works best isn’t ideology. It’s intimacy. It’s emotional literacy. It’s real-world relationship skills that help people connect, confide, and collaborate.

Want to help boys and men thrive? Then teach them how to:

• Speak their truth without shame
• Listen deeply without defensiveness
• Express anger without harm
• Discover purpose beyond performance
• Love and be loved without fear

That’s not soft. That’s strength.

A Call to Fathers, Mentors, and Communities

If you’re a father, mentor, or teacher, your presence has never mattered more. Not your perfection—your presence. You don’t need all the answers. But your willingness to guide, listen, and love is a life raft for the boys and men silently wondering if they matter.

Let’s stop pretending the crisis of masculinity can be solved with slogans or soundbites. Let’s meet our sons where they are—with empathy, wisdom, and a hand to hold as they find their way forward.

Because what’s the matter with men isn’t that they’re broken. It’s that too many have been left behind.

And it’s time to bring them home.

Seth Eisenberg is President of PAIRS Foundation and author of Love That Grows With You, Let It Out, and The Road of Happiness Now. Learn more about PAIRS programs for men and families at www.PAIRS4Me.com.