“I’ve fallen in love with someone who clearly did not fall in love with me back.”
by SETH EISENBERG
Is it possible to find a soul mate in a TV series?
Ames Brown, the New York banker who studied at Yale, Columbia and Harvard, headed back to his 5th Avenue apartment in Manhattan without a rose from Ashley Hebert, this season’s Bachelorette.
No rose for Ames Brown. And no trip to Fiji either.
Ames Brown thought he’d found love.
“I’ve fallen in love with someone who clearly did not fall in love with me back. And I just wonder [why]. More than anything I want to be loved and I hope I find love. It’s difficult because I thought I might have found it but in fact, I guess not,” Ames Brown said from the back of the limousine as he left Ashley Hebert for good.
Ashley Hebert, the 26-year-old dental student and former University of Maine Dance Team captain from Madawaska, got the boot from Brad Womack in the 15th season of the Bachelor. Now she’s enjoying the driver’s seat as this year’s Bachelorette. It’s certainly given her plenty of time to show off the “Crazy Beautiful” tattoo on her right wrist.
She’s now denied the rose to 21 of the aspiring “soul mates” who began the season on May 23rd. Bentley Williams, the season’s only single dad, said he missed his two-year old daughter too much to stay on the show. He returned to Salt Lake City voluntarily after three weeks and reportedly was trying to reconcile with his ex-wife.
While Ben, Constantine, and J.P. still have a shot, it’s hard to imagine anyone finding their soul mate in a television series, despite the fantasies of more than eight million weekly viewers.
“I’m on such a high when I’m with you,” J.P. told Ashley Hebert recently. “When I’m without you it’s miserable.”
So it’s Ashley Hebert, Ben, J.P. and Constantine on their way to Fiji for next week’s episode.
Producers of ABC’s Bachelorette could give their audience a real gift by showing more of the depth that’s at the foundation of lasting love. Of course it’s much deeper than aspiring celebrities feigning affections and dreams in front of rooms full of cameras and directors.
Lasting love, the kind shared by soul mates, is most often built on friendship, shared values and interests, the ability to confide emotions, conversations that matter, sensual and sexual compatibility, and the real desire to build a fulfilling life together based on bonding and staying a pleasure in each other’s lives.
One of the gifts of evidence-based marriage and relationship education for couples considering a life together is they don’t have to bet their future on the trial and error approach that’s increasingly common for millions who exchange vows each year.
Ames Brown will be just fine after some fresh air in Washington Square Park or a relaxing dinner in West Village, both a few blocks from his New York City home .
For Ashley Hebert and whoever she chooses for the last rose, an intensive weekend of marriage education will give the couple a better sense of what’s possible.
That would really be worth watching.
Seth Eisenberg is President/CEO of PAIRS Foundation, an industry leader in marriage and relationship education.