
About PAIRS Foundation
What is PAIRS?
Intimacy is critical to the process of developing and sustaining close relationships, now a major concern in our culture. Modernization has shifted the primary function of marriage from providing security, stability, and raising children to developing a lifetime of love and intimacy. In previous generations successful marriages depended upon duty and role competence. Modern marriages require greater interpersonal competence as well as equality between partners. Relationships are sought that not only create stable families but also provide partners with a lifetime of love and companionship.
The PAIRS (Practical Application of Intimate Relationship Skills) programs, developed by Lori H. Gordon, Ph.D., provide a comprehensive system to enhance self-knowledge and to develop the ability to sustain pleasurable intimate relationships. Gordon's approach integrates a wide range of theories and methods from psychology, education and psychotherapy and presents them in an educational format. PAIRS acts to bridge therapy, marital enrichment, and marriage and family development.
Programs: Courses and Workshops
PAIRS offers programs to the public led by PAIRS Trained Professionals (licensed health care professionals), and PAIRS Instructors (certified clergy and educators), trained under the auspices and supervision of Gordon and the PAIRS Foundation, the organization that officially oversees PAIRS programs, products and licensing worldwide. There are PTPs and facilitators around the world. Check “Finding an Educator” to find one near you or near one you love who may need PAIRS.
PAIRS is effective in all populations for which it has been adapted. PAIRS has relationship skills training programs for children and youth, PAIRS for PEERS, that are taught in schools, churches and agencies. PAIRS has programs for the Military, for use by chaplains and family service workers. PAIRS has faith-based programs for the Jewish, Catholic, and Christian church communities. PAIRS is currently developing programs and program delivery systems for disadvantaged youth, unmarried families, single parents, domestic violence, prison parolees, and related groups who can benefit from relationship skills training. PAIRS provides a vital ingredient to build stable marriages and healthy families with more hopeful futures for children. These programs for special groups will be taught by local agency workers and by specially trained community teachers and mentors. Research on PAIRS has demonstrated that PAIRS works for all groups under all circumstances evaluated. PAIRS is a modern technology adapted to our rapidly changing society in behalf of creating a saner, safer more loving world.
What you will learn in PAIRS
Sustaining a pleasurable intimate relationship does not work by magic. It depends upon a set of skills and understanding that can be learned. We learned most of what we know about intimate relationships through our early experiences in our families. Our personal history has a great deal of influence on what happens in our current relationships - on our behavior, our feelings, our expectations. We can change these influences if we become aware of them and wish to. It is well worthwhile to sort through what we inherited, keeping what fits for today and changing what does not.
PAIRS Competencies are specific skills that you will learn from PAIRS. These competencies focus in three areas: 1) emotional literacy; 2) conjoint partner skills for building and maintaining intimacy; and 3) practical knowledge, strategies and attitudes for sustaining positive marriage and family life. You may click on the above links to see a listing of the skills taught in PAIRS.
The Goal of PAIRS is a relationship that both partners can live with joyfully. For this to happen, each partner must become able to identify his or her own feelings and needs, and learn to communicate them in such a way that they can get met. This means communicating one's needs and desires without making the other partner feel resentful, smothered, burdened, manipulated, or inadequate. Easily and fully meeting each others' needs is the foundation of intimacy, fulfillment, and happiness.
PAIRS teaches specific easily learnable tools for successful communication such as confiding, complaining, and clarifying and for effective problems solving such as managing anger, expressing anger safely, fighting fairly for change and eliminating dirty fighting. PAIRS also guides the vast deepening of self-knowledge and develops emotional literacy. PAIRS addresses pleasure and satisfaction by teaching skills to enhance bonding, sensuality and sexuality in marriage. PAIRS teaches a profound but simple model, the Relationship Roadmap, to understand relationship success and to understand relationship mishaps and know what to do about them. PAIRS teaches over 60 skills that, after PAIRS, become the participants' PAIRS Tool Box for ongoing relationship maintenance.
After becoming trained as Marriage Education Instructors by the nonprofit PAIRS Foundation in 2011, Deborah and Todd Lovell today lead marriage retreats for visually-impaired Veterans and their spouses at the Charlie Norwood VA Medical Center in Augusta, Georgia.
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PAIRS VA Marriage Retreats are today helping thousands of Veteran couples restore love, intimacy and trust through programs offered by many of the 300 VA Chaplains and Behavioral Health professionals trained by the nonprofit PAIRS Foundation.
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Frequently Asked Questions and Answers about marriage education and relationship skills training from PAIRS Foundation’s Inbox.
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Join PAIRS National Trainer Lauren DelGandio for a complimentary one-hour online preview of five essential steps for love and intimacy, Monday, May 3, 7:00-8:00PM Eastern.
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To celebrate the 10,000th visitor to FatherhoodChannel.com, we’re giving away a free iPod Touch. Subscribe to FatherhoodChannel.com for a chance to win! But hurry, we’re almost at 10,000 and only the first 18 new subscribers win! Learn more …
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Caring for service members and veterans impacted by traumatic brain injury has become an increasingly urgent national priority. A new publication from the Defense and Brain Injury Center and innovative programs offered through VA Hospitals in collaboration with PAIRS Foundation help caregivers and families address the impact of TBI, promote healing, and strengthen marital resilience.
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Recent reports from the Centers for Disease Control and Heritage Foundation on the scope and economic impact of childbirth by single mothers highlight the economic impact of the absence of husbands and fathers, which is also a strong contributing factor to failure in school, crime, drug abuse, emotional disturbance, and a host of other social problems.
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For couples experiencing continued marital distress, two recent studies show the potential for significant, lasting improvement through marriage education and marriage therapy. Considering the emotional, health, social, and economic benefits of sustaining healthy marriages, the studies offer strong incentive for couples to pursue marriage education or marriage therapy before actively considering divorce.
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Former President Bill Clinton, Alonzo Mourning, Nnamdi Asomugha, Heather Graham and other celebrities led hundreds of young volunteers to Carrfour Supportive Housing’s future Verde Gardens community in Homestead Sunday for a day of service as part of the Clinton Global Initiative University’s (CGIU) weekend program in Miami. The Carrfour community is one of the most innovative programs in the nation to help formerly homeless families achieve self-sufficiency and independence through affordable housing and wrap-around programs including relationship skills, vocational, micro-enterprise, and rehabilitative services.
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Four years after a suicide bombing that claimed the life of a 16-year-old Florida youngster, PAIRS Foundation and the Daniel Cantor Wultz Foundation teamed up with iTunes to release a free iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad application to promote tolerance by helping young people strengthen families, relationships, schools, and communities.
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Answer these six questions to find out how your love life measures up with a free report.
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What’s working well in your marriage? These tips from the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center can help you take the pulse of your relationship and consider opportunities to take your marriage to another level.
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PAIRS DTR, a free iPhone app available today from iTunes, helps couples, families, parents, and friends strengthen relationships. Developed by the nonprofit PAIRS Foundation, a leader in relationship skills training, PAIRS DTR for iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad guides users through a practical, five-step communication exercise that can be posted on Facebook or shared by e-mail.
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Their eyes still sparkle with the innocence of youth; their eager smiles and endearing manners invite understanding and empathy. For many of these children, behind their eyes, smiles and natural charm are traumatic images, memories, and anxieties that rob them daily of the carefree joys of childhood. These children do not live in Haiti or anywhere else that is the focus of global campaigns for urgent public support, rescue and contribution. They live in Miami-Dade’s Liberty City, minutes from Florida’s southern capitals of relative wealth, abundance, and extravagance. Over the past month, a team of instructors and research staff from PAIRS Foundation had the privilege of working with the fourth and fifth graders of Liberty City Elementary School, sharing practical skills and strategies for better understanding themselves and others, deepening empathy, expressing emotions, resolving differences and conflicts, and caring for the relationships they cherish.
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Escape to a remarkable 23-acre retreat at the luxurious Hyatt Regency Bonaventure Conference Center and Spa in Weston, Florida (minutes from Fort Lauderdale airport) for four days of professional training on the best practice in marriage enrichment, March 10-13, 2010. Immerse yourself in powerful, proven, experiential curricula that deliver lasting benefits for participants in marriage, fatherhood and family education programs.
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T. Williard Fair, President of the Urban League of Greater Miami and Chairman of the Florida Department of Education, encourages efforts to strengthen marriages and families as the foundation for revitalizing schools, communities, and improving the well-being of children during a visit to a PAIRS relationship skills class in Liberty City.
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Join our mission of creating a safer, saner, more loving world through evidence-based educational programs for fatherhood, marriage and families. PAIRS professional training prepares educators, counselors, health care professionals, clergy, and others to deliver the world’s premier relationship skills training programs. Enrollment is now open for professional, certification training in English and Spanish, Weston, Florida, March 2010.
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Seven in ten parents of school-age children responding to a recent survey said they’ve considered separation or divorce. Six months after participating in a nine hour class to improve communication, emotional understanding, empathy and conflict resolution skills, the percentage who said they never consider separation or divorce doubled.
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A sour economy, soaring healthcare costs, and difficult job market is leading increasing numbers of men to marriage education classes for tips and tools to bring greater harmony to their families, improve relationships with spouses and children, and strengthen their ability to weather financial challenges.
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How do we respond when tragedy afflicts loved ones who are instantly a world away? How can we answer when family and friends are trapped dying or dead within collapsed homes and buildings, babies and their mothers are crying out unanswered prayers for help amidst the chaotic ruins, thousands of corpses are bearing silent witness to helplessness in the face of tragic devastation, basic services that provide sustenance and life are eviscerated, and disease and desperation is rising each moment from the ruins? For the residents of Carrfour’s Little Haiti community, some answers were clear.
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February 24, 2012
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